Complicated

The end of this journey, the beginning of a new one

2007-04-15T22:59:00.000-06:00

Haha ...

It's been too long since I wrote something here. Oh well. University really kills your social life. What can I say?

Now that I'm done! Graduated! Wee hoho hoho!

A part of me feels glad, but also fear. What to expect of the working world? Now that I am venturing into this realm of uncertainty, where you might get step upon if you don't keep your head up? Can I handle it? Is it going to be worse than what I faced in university?

I can't tell what's good and bad anymore. Then again, mistakes are there for a reason. Last night, I had a great celebration at the "Chemical Engineering Graduate Party 2007". The occasion was rather formal. I didn't expect professors to be there. I hate to say this, but I felt rather low that night. I don't know how to explain but oh well, that's something I have to overcome by myself. It won't be an easy task, for sure. Professor Choi gave a very inspiring speech. He told of a story which goes something like this:

"Outside a temple, the caretaker found a piece of large wood. He decided to make use of the wood. He spilt the wood into half. He used one half for the floor, and the other half as a statue. After that, the wood spoke to the statue: "It is so unfair, people step on me all the time, but they worship you."

The statue then said to the floor, "Yes, but I went through more cuts than you do. It was very painful while you had less to endure."

Morale of story: To succeed, you will have to fail many, many times.

Am I ready to become a statue? Yes, I am. I have made it this far. For once, I would like to stop thinking negatively. Be more open minded. And work on my pathetic social skills.

Having said that, I will end this blog here (just cause I want to :P). See you at Money is Everything. So is the World., indefinitely! A new journey ahead for me, a new place to brag about it :)

Tagged

2007-03-04T00:23:00.000-07:00

My sister tagged me.

The rules are ...

Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I like to wash dishes. I seriously do.

2. I enjoy being alone most of the time.

3. I get hooked on TV advertisements A LOT.

4. I MUST sleep with a blanket. Even if it is hot, I must have one part of my body covered under the blanket at all times.

5. I don't close the cap on the toothpaste tube. I don't know why.

6. I take forever to get out of bed. And I roll around. And ... when I do get out of bed, I end up on the floor.

And i tag ...

1. AMS
2. .... err
3. Li Shun
4. Lynette
5. Ah.
6. Whoever.

The Valentine's Day Massacre

2007-02-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

An interesting feature, courtesy of University of Alberta's newsletter The Gateway:

To take a closer look at the picture, click on the "The Gateway" Link

Every year on Valentine's Day, the university newsletter features a Purity Test. You can try it out and discover your true side. Are you really an angel? Or have you become the devil throughout these years? (Hehe)

Yeap, I know. Pretty explicit stuff. Every year, we receive the same degree of explicit content. Not to mention, the weekly issues contain obscene cartoons on the comic section too. It's the West side, people ;) No one's afraid to bare their breasts and show their dick.

Uncorrective Minds

2007-02-11T19:20:00.000-07:00

Yeap, I know it's been a month since I wrote anything :P

I've been busy. Need I say more? I'm stuck with a project which has a high uncertainty of success. I don't know what is expected out of me. What to do?

I'm burning out. So fast. I need a break.

The New Year

2007-01-02T02:51:00.000-07:00

Year 2006 passed by so fast, don't you think? Perhaps it's the whole graduation thing. I am trying hard to catch my breath. Before I know it, I'll be a workaholic.

Sigh. If only there's a kind of work which is stress-free. If it wasn't about money, I would go into teaching, be an environmentalist, or even run a delicious cafe. Just to do things that I like to do.

If only it wasn't about imminent $$$ pinched onto my survival instincts.

Year 2006 had its ups and downs for me. My New Year resolution is to become more generous at heart, wiser at mind, and fillial as a daughter. With age comes responsibility. Even though I have made mistakes which were painful, they have opened up my eyes to a new world.

Cheers! To the new year ahead. May our courage keep us standing strong in chasing a world of dreams. May this year bring good health to everyone, peace to every country and joy to every child who deserves a happy start in this world full of hidden menace.

This was the Christmas tree that we set up at Liana's place.

We also took a picture of our design project, which was filed nicely in a binder. I think we were very proud of our hard work. No, maybe the joy was due to the completion of the project that marked the end of stressful late nights at the computer lab.

My first week in KL was very eventful. I went back to Malacca to visit my relatives. Played with my two very cute and mischievious cousins. Ate lots of good food. Got my hair highlighted with a two-tone copper brown colour. I was there for about three days, and it did rain quite a bit. My grandmother can walk now after the operation she had on her knee (I think). I don't know how it works. She looks healthier though, and I'm glad it is so.

Then, we drove to Singapore. I love shopping in Singapore! Gosh, it is superb. The variety of clothes, shoes, and even food is outstanding! I felt it was even better than 1Utama! There was the magnificent Takashimaya, Ngee Ann City, Lucky Plaza (that's where I bought my new camera!) ... oh, it's just all on Orchard Road! One thing about walking the roads in Singapore - it is safe. It is stress-free. There is no worry of a snatch thief or any idiot pouncing on you from the bush. Surprisingly, there were policemen on standby every hour. It's amazing how organized and safe it is. Haha, now I have thoughts of settling down in Singapore XD

After a full day of shopping, my family and I went to eat at this Japanese restaurant at Wheelock Plaza. Although it wasn't authentic Japanese cuisine, it was pretty good. They oysters were delicious! and I had kamameshi, which is a mini-claypot rice dish. Very fulfilling!

Ah! Singapore was fun!

As for New Year's celebration, we stayed at Sunway Pyramid Tower on new year's eve night. Had dinner at Sun & Surf cafe, joined in the countdown and watched the exquisite display of fireworks. We actually got a really good view of it!

So that was 2006! Happy New Year, everybody!

Careless

2006-12-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

How did I write down such math ... (s-1)*(1+s) = 1

...

ARGHHHHH! Such a stupid, careless, unforgivable, mistake!!!

Sigh.

I hate it when that happens. The funny part was I woke up this morning (well, actualy 2p.m. in the afternoon) and thought to myself what is (s-1)*(1+s). And that was when I realized my ultimate-joke-of-the-year mistake.

On a lighter note, I am going home in three days! Yipeee :) I can't wait. I need to get out of this small apartment. It is too quiet. I'm glad I went to dinner with friends yesterday. Just to get some human interaction, you know. I haven't had that for awhile. It was fun. Although there was a suspicious character following us, but we managed to outrun him and reported this situation to campus security. After dinner, we set up the Christmas tree! This time, the tree will live temporarily at Liana's apartment. After decorating it and what not, we sat and chat till 1 a.m..

I'm not in the mood to study anymore! Yeap, the holiday mood has already kicked in. I'm so ready to get on that 22-hour journey back to Malaysia. Excited is the key word here ^^

Lonely

2006-12-12T15:09:00.000-07:00

I have gotten used to his frequent visits to my place after work and good night calls that I had to stay away from the house for a while after he left that morning. I went to do some last-minute shopping yesterday. It was a pretty good excuse to not stay at home. Moreover, the bank screwed up my account, and so I had to make a trip there to settle the mess.

I returned home to a quiet house. Even my phone doesn't ring that often anymore. I can't concentrate on studying. I miss you dearly ... I can't wait to see you in the new year ~~

Also, I just realized I'm going to be back in KL for a little more than two weeks. I thought it was three weeks ...

Oh well, I hope I won't be dead tired at the end of each trip to and fro. Sigh. Stupid exams.

The Change

2006-11-20T21:37:00.000-07:00

I must say, I am very hardworking today. Actually, I want to put effort into studying for my exams this week. I know I am tired, but I still have to work for it. Come to think of it, I won't be studying this hard anymore once I graduate, and so I better appreciate the time to do that right now.

As you can see, I am taking a little break here (hehe). However, there is an issue that has been bugging me for the entire day. I wonder how my parents are going to cope with the absence of two daughters at home now that my sister might be going overseas to study too, and I will be working here for the next year or so. I am worried. I hope they are able to look on the bright side of life. I have been away from home almost four years now. Now that I found a job here, I will be away even longer. Not that I plan to settle down in Canada. I just want to get good work experience. There are good opportunites around and job prospects in Canada are way better than in Malaysia (especially for chemical engineers). I do hope they won't be too upset and depressed. I know how my dad keeps everything inside and hides his feelings in front of us. I miss home too, but I need to grow up too.

On a brighter note, I can't stop thinking of stuff that I wish I had (if given the $$$). My wishlist for Christmas is :)

1) Ipod
I might want the nano, but it's cool to have the iPod that can play videos on it as well. I think I will be travelling alone alot, so this can keep me good company. But expensive, lerr ...

2) Expensive make-up
Muahaha. I need to look good. Jackie sometimes complains about my lack of style.

3) A new fancy handbag
I seriously need to shop for one. I haven't been shopping at all. Gee.

Sigh.

Without money, life kinda sucks.

Screwed

2006-11-17T17:46:00.000-07:00

Mixed feelings in a bottle. That's what I am drinking right now. This term is coming to an end and soon I will be graduating. I will be jumping straight into the working world.

I know I can never pursue my ideal job. But I do not feel a sense of belonging in the engineering field. Hopefully, I can earn enough money so that I can retire early and work on something that I really like. I keep telling myself that I am still young, there's so much to learn out there. Also, there is this sadness that lingers around me after school each day. In another 5 months, I won't be stepping into classes at ETLC again. I won't be sitting at the computer lab stressing out on homework. I won't be complaining to friends about professors and dumb courses.

It does feel sad.

Now, it's so much harder to leave school behind. Varsity has touched my life in so many ways. Then again, life goes on. That's the only consolation I can give myself now. I can't bear the thought of not seeing most of my friends after this. I love them so much. Their company. Their arguments. Their arrogance. Their humour. We'll all be going our separate ways. Will we ever see each other again? It will never be the same too.

Every good thing has to come to an end. There's no happy-ever-after in real life.

On a lighter note, I still hate exams. Oh well, I was procrastinating last night. I didn't put much effort into studying it. It has been repetitive over the years. I have to say I am sick of studying.

But I'm not sick of learning. There's a difference, ah! :P

That guy better reply us with the necessary data soon otherwise our design project will be doomed.

I have to start looking for a place to stay in Red Deer soon. As I will be working there next year, I need to find a place close to the edge of town, and find a friendly co-worker who is willing to let me carpool with him/her for the first four months. Damn, I should have taken the written driving test earlier. I didn't take it because I thought I would be going home straight to M'sia after graduation. Plans always change in the middle of nowhere.

Should I still share a house/apartment with someone? Or should I rent a studio/one-bedroom suite myself?

I don't really want to live with anyone as I have been doing that for the past four years. I find it troublesome even though my current housemate is good. It's just the whole sharing idea. Sharing the kitchen, the sink. Sometimes the mess doesn't get cleared up because we encounter crazy academic schedules at times. But sometimes, you're so exhausted from school that you need to return to a clean and comfortable hosue. It gets annoying at times. And the worse is sharing bathrooms. UGHH. Seriously.

Then again, here's the safety and money issue of living in your own studio. It is generally more expensive than sharing the rent with someone else. Furthermore, sometimes it is safer to live with someone. If an emergency happens, at least there is still someone there to help. Also, you won't feel so lonely in the end. However, if you get a terrible housemate ... the situation gets even worse ...

I am still weighing out the pros and cons. Any suggestions?

Exams

2006-11-16T23:22:00.000-07:00

I know exams have to be in the education syllabus. But I hate it. After 12 years of stupid exams, I am really sick and tired of even hearing the word examination.

Grrr.

I am just ranting for the sake of it. I don't know what to expect on tomorrow's 50-minute exam. What can they possibly test us within 50 minutes. There was an excuse that detailed how a student who can outwit the challenge of both problem-solving and time will prove him/herself to be outstanding.

Sheesh. I am slow. Is that a crime to be slow in university? I can still be smart and be a plant.

The Two Jumps

2006-11-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

Hello! Hehe, I know I haven't updated anything in such a long time. Sorry!

Well, a lot has happened since err ... when was it? October 7th, 2006 was my last post. But I have lots of pictures and stories to share now!

On the 14th of October 2006, a group of chemical engineering students from the U of A boarded the plane to Montreal for the 56th Annual Chemical Engineering Conference. Our flight to Montreal was at 6.30 a.m.. We had to stop by at Winnipegg for half an hour, and then continued on to Montreal. The plane rides were alright but I think it was the bus rides that were long and tiring. Sherbrooke was two hours away from Montreal city. We arrived at the hotel at 6.30 p.m.. On that same night, we had a social event at a french club. No one speaks a word of English there. It was difficult communicating with the locals - the cab driver, the cashier at McDonalds and Tim Hortons ...

I think his name was Gabriel. Cool guy ;)

Okay, just a bunch of legs around the dancefloor

We attended the conference the next morning listening to some talks and stuff. We did not stay long as some of us wanted to visit the city and look for a mall to buy some formal attire. Some people got so excited when they saw Dunkin Doughnuts (not me, I dislike doughnuts) ...

I think we enjoyed the social events the best. Clubbing in a French city is pretty cool. At least, it's better than Edmonton night clubs. On the second night, we went to some French club again (I can't remember their names, booo). This one was fun, and we took lots of crazy pictures as usual. Too bad we didn't get to take a picture of Anchal waving her $100 bill when buying tequilla shots for the group...

Don't know who this guy is ...

Me, Anchal, Alison, and Natasha

The cool shades! Natasha and William

... or a picture of me falling to the ground at the dancefloor ... Natasha thought I passed out or had alcohol poisoning. Hey, it was Anchal's fault. I didn't want to dance as I was too tired. I already dozed off on the couch when she pulled me back to the dancefloor ... lost my balance, and then fell. It's a shame though because no one else helped me except Anchal and Natasha. Cis ... maybe I'm not hot or sexy enough for the guys. Tsk tsk tsk ... such a sad case.

Anyway, did I mention about our beautiful hotel?

No balcony, jump to your death!

This hotel Le Presidante looked decent on the outside from afar. We went into the lobby ... nice and cosy. They had a swimming pool too. Everything was okay until we took the elevator up to the second floor. What was the first thing we saw? Torn walls, buckets of paint or rubbish everywhere, carpets were dirty and ... uh, it was just horrible. Not a pleasing sight when you are so tired from the journey and you just want to rest in a comfortable hotel. Apparently, the hotel was under renovation and they had to stop work because a whole bunch of university studends had to stay there for the conference.

The horror doesn't end there. I remember Anchal complaining about the smell of the bed, or the pillow. Across from the hall, Nyssa mentioned that they had a balcony. We got excited and wanted to check out our balcony as well but ... we didn't see one. Instead, we saw the cars at the parking lot below us! Really ... it was quite frustrating at first but in the end we didn't care much since we didn't have to pay for accomodation and travel.

Back in Edmonton ... all looking tired (18th October 2006, 12.25 a.m.)

Just last week, we decided to carve some pumpkins in conjunction with Halloween. This was my first time carving a pumpking and it was really fun! We also planned an operation to scare Anchal with pumpkins. Haha, that was funny. We left the lit pumpkins outside her door and hid at the side of the house. Jackie phoned her and told her that someone's outside her door. It was interesting to see the look on her face when we jumped out from the side and scared her.

My design

Jackie's Design

And that's all for now! When I have the time again ... I'll blog some more lah!

Yay! New Skin!

2006-10-07T21:55:00.000-06:00

Yeap, I was bored. I wanted a change.

Bouncy Bouncy Bouncy

2006-10-07T16:41:00.000-06:00

OH my GOD. This skin is so cute.

Graduation Blues

2006-09-12T19:22:00.000-06:00

Yes, I haven't got my internet cable up and running. I never seem to have any luck with these internet orders. Somehow, somewhere ... there will be a problem that causes the ultimate delay of internet usage. Gah.

Once again, I'm back on campus for the fourth and last academic year. I feel sad, really. As much as I want to burn all the stressful assignments and projects away, I like being a student. In all my schooling years, I must say I enjoy varsity student life the most. High school was insignificant because I never had any real friends to start with. My whereabouts and doings were controlled by my parents in the most effective way ever. I hardly get to enjoy activities other than "studying". Mind you, studying was just about getting that gleaming straight A's. Yes, I know it is important to get those grades but the learning environment was not appropriate.

I love studying here. I have to say that I am really grateful to be given this rare opportunity to pursue my education in Canada. This may sound silly but I'm holding back on reality - I don't want to graduate so soon! *boohoo*

Oh well, it is only a temporary emotional state that lingers. Soon, I will have to accept it and move on. If I really don't want to go out to work, I guess I'll just pursue a Masters' degree then. Then again, getting a job is tempting. The money is the key. No money, no fun and hence no life. How predictable.

Everything is getting tougher. Expectations are way higher. I enter the class on the first day of school, and the professor just highlights the design projects that we are responsible for. They actually scare you on the first day of classes:

"This is probably going to be the most difficult course you will ever take."

Yeah, thanks for the info, doc. I'm probably going to be the most annoying, dumb student you will ever deal with, ho ho ho! ^^

Believe it or not, they think that engineering students are incapable of speaking in public. That's why I have to take this scary public-speaking course, a requirement for all graduating fourth years. Argh. And you would think that they don't have any more of these 2-minute impromptu speeches in university. I was expecting more learning experience on presentation skills. But no.... I have a 2-minute impromptu talk to give on Thursday. Damn.

Moving on with life, prospective employees like me have to now join the hunt for a job. Resume writing, cover letters, career fairs, conferences, talk sessions by big companies and so forth ...

It is stressful.

That is still the easy part. I hope I still have enough hair on my head by the time interviews come up in my schedule. Or perhaps there wouldn't even be one interview session for me :(

It is all worrying. But I guess life goes on. Suddenly growing up seems so threatening. When I was 16, I wanted to grow up so fast. Now, I question the integrity of that thought. It's fun to grow up and gain that freedom in your new adult life but with this comes more responsibility, and less fun.

Sigh. Maybe I should have gone into culinery school. Sometimes, I don't even know if I enjoy what I am studying right now.

SMKDU Reunion 2006

2006-08-30T02:17:00.000-06:00

Once again, a reunion for all. This time we gathered at Wincci's house. Although I arrived late at the gathering, it was great that none of them left yet. We were singing karaoke too (Wincci has her own karaoke room!). My oh my, what fun it was. Have you ever heard the song "My Way" in the Malay version? Well, Ka Vee was our star of the night. He sang and translated it so well. Gosh, that was entertaining. Now, that is what I call karaoke fun.

Popping the Pills

2006-08-24T09:13:00.000-06:00

Just when I thought stress wasn't really a big deal, I have to pop these colourful pills into my mouth again. Oh well, better now than never. I do not want my brain to get fried and be bed-ridden at this young age. I still have so much to live up to. Most importantly, I want to be happy (actually, it's more of "I need to be happy"). Western medicine has not done much to improve my condition. Perhaps, it is true that western medicine only allows healing to take place at a specific area of injury/malfunction/pain. It does not heal the entire well-being of our body system. Hopefully, the Chinese way of treatment can help me a little. Gosh, I need to take really good care of my diet now.

Doctor says red wine is good. So, I guess my alcohol intake would be limited to red wine only.

I'll be leaving in a week's time. So soon, eh? Yeah, being home for a month isn't enough. Then again, boredom takes over my life when I am home for four months without doing anything productive. Sometimes it gets so bored that I start to catch mosquitoes. Come to think of it, I have not been bitten much by those blood-sucking creatures here. Perhaps, I should not say this aloud. They might come swarming at me tomorrow morning.

Another year to go to graduation. It's so fast. I don't want to leave behind varsity life so soon. Although I have the opportunity to do graduate studies, I don't want to be a burden to my parents anymore. My dad is working too hard, it hurts to see how pressured he becomes at work. Moreover, my sister will have to go abroad for her studies soon. If I can find a job here in Canada, I can work at least two years before returning home to K.L. to accompany my parents. It's all so difficult to plan, but it's best to just let time take its course. As much as I want to stay behind in Edmonton, I am worried of my parents' well-being. Hopefully, I can get a good-paying job -- $$$ --

I haven't taken much pictures of food (well, some people might get jealous, you see *ahem*). Here's two, one of me and Huey Teng, and the other of my sister playing the grand piano at 1Utama. It was really nice, the pianist invited my sister to play the piano. By the way, I straightened my hair again, hehe!

Words

2006-08-18T03:17:00.000-06:00

I have so many things that I want to say,

but I am tired.

Tired of everything.

Touchdown

2006-08-09T19:44:00.000-06:00

I'm finally home!

I must say, the whole journey back to KL was the worse flight I have ever encountered. Then again, when bad weather strikes everything else winds up in a mess. Just like Hong Kong International airport. All incoming and outgoing flights were delayed and so, I waited in Vancouver for an additional 1 hour. I was already waiting in transit for 6 hours ... when they told me the flight to Hong Kong was delayed till 4 a.m.. Grr. I hate transits in Vancouver.

It was a thirteen-hour flight to Hong Kong. Long and tiring, but I managed a reasonably comfortable seat. I did not get an aisle seat this time. It was a little tough trying to get to the washroom. I had to bother this huge guy sitting beside me all the time. Haha.

We were only an hour away from Hong Kong when the pilot announced that we had to stop over at Seoul, Korea, due to stubborn storm (grrr) and insufficient fuel. Apparently, the storm was not getting any better. Another one hour wait in Seoul ... mind you, we had to wait in the plane. That wasn't comfortable. It was hot and stuffy. Some people were standing up but I chose to sit down because I was already so frustrated with this whole ordeal. Worse, I overheard the air hostess saying that the flight from Seoul to Hong Kong will take another 3 hours.

...

Yes, that was how I felt. At that time, those three dots above represented how much I wanted to put my fist into someone's face. Full blast. When I arrived in Hong Kong, it wasn't even a nice transit rest time. Hong Kong International Airport was like 1 Utama on the weekends. Everybody was everywhere. There were long queue-ups at every counter and custom check. As for me, as soon as I landed I was given a new boarding pass to a different flight. The boarding time on the pass stated 12.10 p.m.. The time on my watch showed 12.10 p.m.. ARGHH!!! I was suppoze to be at the gate by this time!! Although, I knew they would wait for the transferring passengers, I was so afraid that luck would fly away from me that I rushed so hard to the gate. I was running like the wind. And I reached the plane looking as if I had just been chasing a thief. That was exhausting to the mind and my body.

Fortunately, the flight was really comfortable. When I landed in KL, I was so elated. I couldn't wait to get out of the airport! I wanted to see my parents and my sister so bad.

But no ... my problems did not end there. At the baggage claim area, I was feeling impatient. I just wanted to walk out of there and see the sun. Ten minutes into waiting .... no luggage yet. Fifteen minutes ... there was an announcement saying that there is a slight delay due to techinical difficulties. Wait another 10 minutes. Another fifteen minutes later, a staff member says, "No more luggages coming out. Please go to MAS office to report."

(@)*&A*@!!??!

It could only get worse!

Both my luggages were somewhere out there. Boo hoo *sob sob*
My mum didn't make me feel any better. She was telling me how people here will steal stuff at the cargo bay. Oh god.

That was my whole journey back. Sounds frustrating, eh? I tell you, I was jumping for joy like a maniac when they called and said the luggages were being sent to my house.

Ahhhhhhhh....

Festivals (Part 2)

2006-07-24T15:27:00.000-06:00

I promised to post some photos. So here they are!

Besides Canada Day and Edmonton Street Performer's Festival, which I talked about previously in Festivals, I also went for Capital Ex, and visited Fort Edmonton Park.

Canada Day (July 1,2006) - Anchal's moose on her face

Canada Day's Cultural show

The squirrel that I got from the balloon man. Cute, cute? ^^

On Wednesday, I will be attending Taste of Edmonton 2006. I can't wait! I heard it's really good. I must remember to bring my camera along this time.

On July 15, Jackie brought me to Fort Edmonton Park. This park is a reconstruction of Fort Edmonton which was established in 1795 as a trading post (fur especially) for the Hudson's Bay Company. This for was reconstructed in 1969, representing it as it stood in 1846. The park represents four distinct time periods. It is basically like a step back into the past! First, we took the train to "Fort Edmonton" in the park. I heard that this train is one of the last standing steam-engine trains.

Inside the fort - I can't remember whose house was it. It was a fairly large house.

Picture taken from inside the teepee.

Then, we walked through "1885 Street", which represents the settlement era from 1871 to 1891, with historic buildings and reconstructions of that period.

After that, we walked through "1905 Street". This is the year that Alberta became a province of the Dominion of Canada. Modernization took place further as we walked through "1920 Street". It does feel like the past. There were people dressed up like in the old days and walking around, greeting you "Good Day!" and telling you stories of their families and what not.

As for Capital Ex ... I forgot to bring my camera again :( But I found some really nice pictures online. It's basically a really huge carnival ... or you can call it a fun fair. There are rides, games, exhibitions, and concerts (Nelly Furtado, Simple Plan, and many more). The concert tickets are pretty expensive so I didn't go for it. We watched the Bellydance Superstars and it was really breathtaking! It was free. Not a single cent to watch that performance :) and it was good. I didn't go on the rides because there were ridiculous line-ups. And it was so very hot that day. 35 degrees celcius in Edmonton. Hot, hot, hot. At night, there was a fireworks display. It was even better than the fireworks that I saw on Canada Day.

All in all, that's the summer fun I experienced so far in Edmonton!

Grow Up

2006-07-17T11:38:00.000-06:00

She needs to grow up. Fast. Otherwise, she will keep using her immature mind for her selfish needs.

The story goes like this. I attended a forum two weeks ago. She and two graduate students attended it as well. We had to pay $150.00 for registration. After the forum, we were told to just give the receipts to the professor as he will reimburse the fee. However, just last week the graduate student told me that we had to fill out two additional forms to receive the reimbursement. We were in the main office when he was telling me about it. I asked him to show me how to get the forms online. As he was giving the necessary instructions, she came around with her usual fake cheerful self, "Oooo ooo, what's interesting here? What's going on?"

I figured she must have heard us talking about it. She puts up an act as if she didn't eavesdrop on our conversation. Anyway, it was not a big deal as all of us had to fill out the forms. One way or another, I would have had to tell her about it. When she came, the graduate student explained to her about the forms. I was sitting in front of the computer just keeping quiet. Then she asked me to print out a copy for her as well. I told her that you can fill it out electronically and then print it out, and so I asked her to save a copy instead. Obviously, she wanted to know how to get the forms. I did show her how. Okay, so that was it. I can't remember exactly when the graduate student told me that we should prepare the forms before Friday so that we can retrieve the professor's signature after the meeting. Well, perhaps it was really my fault that I forgot to tell her about it. But you see, the point is that you don't expect people to tell you everything or assume people will get everything done with your presence. It is your own responsibility to ask.

When the meeting was over, I asked the professor to sign our reimbursement forms. Apparently, she didn't have them with her at that time. Perhaps, she was already feeling bitter because the three of us prepared the forms. My friend called my name from across the table. She was standing beside my friend. And I really couldn't make out what was going on because my friend just mumbled something and pointed to her.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"How do I get the forms?"

"I told you the last time. You can get it on the website."

"No, you didn't."

(Okay, I was a little outraged at this point)

"Yes, I did."

"No, you didn't. Everytime I ask you, you would just ignore me and you don't show it to me."

(What??? Excuse me? She never came and ask me anything after that day!!! She was literally trying to defend her poor, pitiful self by putting the blame on me. Grrrr.)

"Yes, I did. Ming was there too. I showed it to you," I replied quite sternly.

Then, she just started packing her things up and said softly with dissatisfaction in her tone, "It's okay, just show it to me after this."

And, she left the room.

I was so pissed off. That was such an immature act. Obviously, she was feeling bitter just because the rest of us prepared the forms. It is possible that she might have felt that we were isolating her out but the truth is we weren't. Like I said, you can't expect to be spoonfed. She could have asked anyone, even me or the graduate student about it but she didn't. Showing her temper like that was really rude and childish. Especially at work!

Eventually, I showed her how to get the forms again. I had to because we had to give her the birthday card. Even so, she didn't even apologize or anything and continued to act chirpy and cheerful. Gosh. Weird.

Speaking of her birthday, it was on Sunday. She sent an email to my Yahoo! account stating of the plans for her birthday. Actually, I didn't check my email until today. I rarely open this email account because nobody sends me mails there. Here's how it looked ...

Hey Everyone,

For those of you who are busy on Sunday, feel free to join me for dinner on July 16th at Rose Bowl at 10111 117St (on Jasper Ave). Apparently, they have the finest pizza in town and have Karoke...

If you are not joining us for the afternoon festivities (which have now been changed to the Devonian Gardens Traditional Japanese Tea Ceremony), you can meet us at the restaurant.

By Public transit from University of Alberta (or any other LRT station), go to Corona LRT Station. From there it is a 20 min walk (10 short blocks west). Or you can catch the #1 or #5 bus that stops on 106/Jasper ave (right beside the Boston Pizza). The busses come every 15 mins. They should say "West Ed or West mount?". They go down Jasper Ave.

I will make a estimate reservation according to what people have replied. Don't feel any pressure if you are busy.

Really detailed directions. Okay, focus on that last sentence. She said no pressure, right? My friend replied the email saying that she had dinner plans with her homestay family. Well, guess what she replied back?

"I told you a month ago. Anyway, enjoy your dinner with your homestay family."

That sounded so bitter. What happened to the "no pressure" chirp at the end of the email? Was it just written for fun?

Haha. Oh well. I'm so glad that my work term is ending in two weeks' time.

Chicken breast, anyone?

2006-07-13T15:04:00.000-06:00

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

I participated in a research project yesterday. Actually, we were on our way to lunch. I did not realize that they were giving out $2 Tim Horton's coupon for this research project. My friend was like, "Hey Esther! Look! $2 coupon for free eh!"

Of course, we had to participate in the research project before getting that free coupon. It was quite interesting. We filled out a short questionnaire and was led into a room with separate cubicles, each having a desk and a chair. We were told to wait patiently as our food was being warmed up. By the way, the purpose of the project was to evalute consumer liking of chicken breast and thigh patties from chickens that have been fed different levels of flaxseed. It was said that feeding flaxseed increases the levels of polyunsaturated fatty acids in the poultry meat to provide health benefits to consumers. I remember I was asked whether I like to eat chicken breast or thigh patties. I circled thigh patties. However, they were doing the sensory evalution on chicken breast meat yesterday. The lady told us to come back the next day for the thigh patties. Haha.

Anyway, I thought this whole setting of the project was pretty cool. A minute later, we were served four containers, a glass of water, and two pieces of crackers. Each container was labelled with a sample number. Also, we were given another questionnaire form to fill out while tasting each sample. At first sight of the small piece of chicken meat, I thought, "Errr is this safe? It looks so brownish." Then again, I reassured myself that it should be safe since it is a university funded project. Any research project has to receive permission and grant from the department/university. And so, I took a bite. I decided not to eat the whole thing lest the chances of food poisioning (I have to admit I was still wary of the chicken meat). It was fun answering the questions and all. I finished tasting four samples and answered the questionnaire faster than my peers. HAHA. I wondered why my friend took so long. I thought she ate everything, hehehe.

Well, I did request to be informed of the results. So, I'll wait and see how it will be.

Festivals

2006-07-10T13:26:00.000-06:00

It is difficult living without internet. Currently, I can only log online using the school's computer. Hence, I cannot upload pictures now. But I promise I will do it as soon as I am back home in KL.

Recently, we celebrated Canada Day (July 1, 2006). Everyone gathered at Churchill Square to hang out. There were food, handicraft stores, face-painting, animal balloons for children, and many more. My friends and I strolled around for a bit and then we walked to Winspear Center to watch a two-hour cultural show. I took low-quality pictures of the show (my camera is outdated-lah). Surprisingly, the Chinese fan dance was impressive. Except the song was a little too screechy. The Ukranian Folk Dance was the best! It was so colourful and exciting. Some of the Indian dances were erm ... not too interesting. They should have shown those cool Indian dances where they shake their bodies vigorously. *Shake shake shake* Those are really cool. I remember watching a performance like that in SMDU. I think it was Teacher's Day or something. There were two Indian girls dancing so well. I was impressed! Sadly, they didn't have that performance here in Edmonton. After the cultural show, we had dinner at Old Spagetthi Factory. The display of fireworks at the river started at about 10 p.m.. We managed a good view of the fireworks. I took lots of videos!

So, that was a whole day of fun.

On Saturday, I went to watch Pirates 2. Johnny Depp is sooooooo sexy! *tee hee* I can't wait for the third movie. I heard that it has been filmed and Chow Yun Fatt is starring in it as some Chinese pirate. Akakakaaa, that I must see! Yesterday, Yee Ying and I watched FIFA's final game - Italy vs. France. Poor Zidane. But yay, Italy won! After the show, we headed down to Churchill Square for the Edmonton's International Street Performers Festival. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my camera along, but you can check the website to get a glimpse of what it is like. I thought it was very entertaining for both children and adults. I hope to go there again sometime because this festival runs for the whole week. I got myself a really cute animal balloon too! (picture will be shown later). The guy who made it was an expert. He has been doing this for a living for 17 years. And the squirrel that he made for me was his original design in a previous competition. At first, I wanted a turtle. But he said he could only make a really small one. Then he asked me if I wanted a small lady bug too. I asked him if he could make a beaver but he said he couldn't make it with the amount of stuff he had. So, I ended up with a squirrel :) and it was really, really cute! It was also holding a walnut in its hands! I was so happy :D

Ah, that was one great weekend. There are so many festivals here now in the summer. Many more festivals in August, but I will be back in KL at that time. At least now I can say Edmonton isn't such a terribly boring place after all!

Restless Fly

2006-07-06T21:07:00.000-06:00

How would you react if you knew someone doesn't really like you? Never mind if it is a friend or a co-worker ... I am pretty sure you would speak cautiously the next time to that person. And if the person shows no interest in engaging in a conversation, shouldn't you just be polite and just back off a little?

I don't know how to describe this co-worker of mine sometimes. Could she even sense that I dislike chatting with her? Does she realize that I don't want to be disturbed when I am doing my work? And why should I tell her in detail what my research is? She gives the weirdest comments at every single thing.

Like today, as usual she came by my desk, looked at my computer screen and asked me what am I reading. I just told her very hesitantly that I was reading blogs. And she had to criticize it. She criticizes at almost every thing that I do. Nothing good comes out of her mouth. She does it in a "merry-go-round" way too.

"Really. Why are you reading blogs. I don't understand why you have to read them."

"What's wrong with reading them?"

"I don't know. I just think there's too much to read and it's too time-consuming."

Ugh. I can't wait till the last day of work. I won't have to see her ever, ever again in the near future. If she was less cocky and condescending, I wouldn't mind hanging around with her in the office. Heck, I don't even want to go lunch with her now. I don't even feel like seeing her at all. Everytime she comes by my desk, and asks me the usual - "How are you?" "What are you up to?" "What are you reading?" "What are you plans for the day?" "What are your plans for the weekend?" BLabelblabelbalbeeee...

She can ask the same question three times a day. Okay, well she asks it every time she sees you. Now, I just want to say hello and that's it. It has gotten to that point where I feel so uncomfortable around her. Sigh.

Oh well. I guess in the real working world, we are bound to meet people like this.

Life Goes On

2006-06-27T10:23:00.000-06:00

Argh. My laptop is retiring soon. Yesterday morning, I turned it on and Windows just didn't want to start up for me. Boohoo.

I'll wait for my genius to fix it for me :)

Yeap ... life goes on. I am looking forward to go home for a holiday, but not the impending discussion about my future with my parents.

I have officially moved in to my new apartment! Well, it is still in ol' HUB Mall. I was relocated to a newer unit because they needed to do a major renovation in that old unit. Well, I am currently satisified with its condition. It is very new, they have renovated everything from the bathroom to the walls. As for furnishings, I spent $150 at IKEA (oops).

My new roommate will be moving in this Friday. I think she is from China. I am hoping she is nice. Thank goodness she isn't Korean. No offence to the whole population of Korea, but I generally am fed-up with Korean housemates. Twice, and none were nice. I never want to LIVE with a Korean ever again. Never.

The first Korean housemate I had was rude and spoilt. They don't know how to clean even their own dishes. Throw left-overs into the sink and expect other people in the house to clean it? Sensitive about how others treat them but insensitive to how she treats other people. Inconsiderate and obnoxious. Yes, I dislike her so much that I never want to see her face again.

The second Korean housemate is much nicer than the first. However, she needs to sort out her priorities and emotions. And she needs to stop thinking that she is stupid just because she doesn't speak English very well. Come on, a doctorate in law? She is 28 years old and cries about it all the time. My friend who is 20 years old had to sit down and talk to her about life? Geez. She is so stubborn, she cannot get the fact that she is a foreign student whose English is not her first language. Every international student faces the same situation, but most of them learn from it and go on with life here. Eventually, they fit in pretty well in campus life. She cries about it all the time. And she assumes too much. When we are talking loudly or laughing about something in the living room, she thinks that we are laughing at her. She is lazy and stubborn when I asked her to clean for a move-out inspection. Now, she is crying and worrying because she has to pay the cleaning charges. I told her before about it, and she didn't want to listen. These housing people check every corner of the house and they will find something to charge you. Arrrrrrrr ... she is so annoying! I don't want to see her again too.

Sigh.

Life Aches as you Age

2006-06-26T15:57:00.000-06:00

Is it so wrong to choose how you want to live your life?

I know my parents have sacrificed a lot for funding my education in Canada. Yes, in the first two years of my undergraduate program, I thought maybe I would just go home in the end because it was difficult for an international student to find a job here. However, the government has open the door a little more. Now, we are able to apply for post-graduation work program. As long as an employer is willing to hire us, we can apply for a 12-month work permit. Then, if things are well enough, the government might allow us to renew it.

I don't want to just return home without even trying to find a job here. The pay and incentives are so beneficial here. Currently, I am just not ready to return home for good. My parents are getting upset over this issue. They said that it is upsetting to know that I have plans to apply for permanent residence in Canada.

How can I explain to them? My mum says I am unfillial for not returning home. But what if I find the love of my life here? What if I marry a Canadian? I become a citizen of Canada automatically. Are they trying to say that I cannot find a husband here and that I need to revolve my life around Malaysia and my family only? What about my own happiness? Love doesn't just pop out of nowhere like that.

I feel it is so unfair, yet it hurts to know that your parents are upset. But it's not like I am abandoning the family! I just want to secure something of my own. I just hope they can understand that I need some time to just be on my own for a while. And I am thinking, if I can get citizenship in Canada, I can just return home to Malaysia because you don't need to live in Canada to be a citizen. I just want to build my own life first. I want to earn back that money and help my dad support my sister's education.

I don't want to return home yet. Either way, I still love my family very much. Is it so wrong ad unfillial?

My Perfect Lover

2006-06-15T12:00:00.000-06:00

Haha, I got tagged by Huey Teng. Argh, I should be studying for my exam. Heck.

Here are the rules:

The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her lover
Has to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover
Tag eight other victims to join in this game and leave a comment on their blog
If you got tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again
Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT!

Let's see. I have to describe my ideal lover with 8 points, no specific order to it. Naturally, everyone knows what an ideal lover is. Those general traits like loyalty, sincerity, charming, drop-dead gorgeous (tee hee, this is every girls dream), and oh yes - count in the good performance in bed too (akkakkak kakakak) ...

Since I have been dating someone for the past 7 months, I will list down the 8 points he has being my sweetest love. I do believe no one is 100% perfect, and so this is just going to be 8 points about him being my love. I want to say he is the love of my life but well, I'm still young and all ... who knows he might not even be my life partner in the future.

Obviously, he is male. I am straight (you all should know that). Yeah, I have this infinite amount of attraction for the male species (and it's not because they have a penis).

He stole my heart because ...

1. He has a unique sense of humour
I don't know how he does it, but he really makes my heart smile. I can spend a whole day with him without feeling bored. Witty, intelligent, and silly at times. It's interesting to see how he maintains a cool composure in front of his friends, but when with me and my girlfriends he becomes the comedian (sometimes he shows his feminine side too, which is always interesting). Well, I don't mean he is a clown. He is just unique and no one feels bored around him. There's always something funny to tease or talk about. And it makes not only me but everyone else around him happy. Most importantly, he still is himself. There is no shadow behind him that I cannot see.

2. He is a friend in all ways
Besides sharing all the intimacy with him, I can share with him all my worries, my thoughts, and my desires. Of course, sometimes he can be a little too analytical. At times, he upsets me because we don't agree eye to eye on things but with his strength and my faults, I feel that I am growing to be a better person. I have learnt to become less sensitive to emotions (hey, I am a girl). He has learnt to be more generous, caring, and mature (yeah, guys sometimes are still immature in their thoughts). He is a friend too. And that is what makes us share the most together.

3. He is intelligent
This is one of the general attractions that girls tend to fall for. Then again, there are different categories of intelligence. He isn't the studious type. But he is innovative and creative. He only gets good grades for the subjects that he finds interesting. These people are picky and lazy but smart. He is more street-smart than I am. I just find it safe to be with a guy who knows what he is doing and what is happening around the block. Haha, I find it sexy :)

4. He treats me like a woman
Now, this is very important to me. If a guy doesn't know how to treat a lady like a lady ... he's out of the game. Even if I am an independent woman, I am still a woman who needs that attention. It can be very small details like, opening the car door for you, protecting you from the cold wind by letting you hide behind him, insisting on carrying your shopping bags even if it weighs like a feather ... to bigger details like showering you with gifts and paying for your food. Of course, it might be annoying if it gets too excessive. But he catches me by surprise all the time. That's how he is. And hopefully, he doesn't stop doing it :)

5. He appreciates me
If ever a guy wants to win a girl's heart, he has to appreciate what the girl does for him. Cooking a meal, sharing an opinion, lending a listening ear. He shows that he appreciates it although he will insist that I shouldn't trouble myself like that. That is very gentleman-like. I have met guys who are just so egoistical that they think that it's silly to share their problems with the girlfriend. I hate that part of the ego in a man.

6. He is the new-age guy
I've had bad experiences with guys who are too old-fashioned. He has to be open-minded now in this current age. If not, it will be difficult times when we have to make decisions, agreements ... our thoughts just won't coincide (at least some).

7. He knows who I am
If there is anything a girl should know that the guy is sincere, it should be his reasons for loving you this much. Perhaps it is not true enough by words only. They say action speaks louder than words but only time can tell all these. He should also know my positive and negative traits. If he can read me like a book, I might feel intimidated but at least I know that he is sincere in getting to know me better and love me for who I am.

8. He has a deep voice and a way with words
Let's just say that ... it's sexy. It makes my legs go weak. And I always want to hear his voice. Even if it was just going ot be 5 minutes on the phone. It is natural to question the sincerity of a sweet talker. But I must say, his sweet words are not too high of sugar. It is just right. Either way, I always end up getting something better in the end after those sweet, sweet flatterings (tee hee hee).

Okay, I feel like I just wrote a book about him. So, time to tag.

Wayne

Li Shun

Ams

Chiak Lung

Brenda

Okay, I can only tag 5 people ... hahaha... enjoy!

Cocky

2006-06-09T08:13:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was typing this post but stupid, stupid Blogger ... anyway. I shall put forward yesterday's intention of bitching now, hehe.

So much has happened. I seriously think this year isn't going very smoothly for me. Perhaps, this is what they call superstition. Or maybe it's that time of the year. Or the change of weather. Man, it's been raining all day for the past two days. Did that sentence make sense?

Two days ago, I discovered that I have to be relocated to another unit in the residence. Apparently, I was suppoze to know about this plan in April. But really, none of us receive the notice. So, I am moving house. Again. It seems like I have to move to a new place every year. This time, it doesn't really matter. After all, I did plan on moving out of residence. However, I could not find a better ... and cheaper place. Sad. Boohoo. It's too expensive to pay $600 over for a bachelor unit. Canadian dollars. Grr... I'll wait till I earn more money! Hmphhh..

Okay, I really don't like this girl. My co-worker. My weird colleague. She needs to go sit at a corner and reflect on herself. The worse part is, she doesn't seem sincere. Fake. Really fake. I have heard more weird stories from other co-workers (who are my good friends). But I will tell you what happened yesterday.

Actually, a week ago, we were suppoze to make some changes to one presentation slide. Previously, we drew the diagrams and tables together. I thought maybe she would modify this particular slide by herself since she designed it herself without my help. But well, I guess we both had nothing to do. At least, at times, I have nothing urgent to do. Therefore, two days ago I tried changing it myself. Yesterday, she came over to my desk and ask,

"Oh, do you know if we need to make any more changes to anything on the presentation? I can't remember which slides the professor told us to do."

"Err, yeah remember that slide where we had to enlarge that crystal?"

"Oh, right! You know, I did some stuff to it. Here, I'll show you. But I think it looks crappy though."

I was surprised. Why would she pretend not to know anything about it ... asked me about it ... only to end up showing me her masterpiece? Something isn't right there. Okay, that was event number one. Event number two - since I made some changes as well myself, I showed mine to her too. I have to admit it was not very good because I tilted the angle too much. Anyhow, I was trying. When she saw it, she replied,

"Oh, that doesn't look very good. It looked like someone screwed it up so bad."

WHAT THE FUCK?

Seriously. Who are you to give me that kind of comment. If it was my boss or manager who told me that, I would have accepted it. Although, it might seem really harsh to me but the point is, you are just my co-worker. You should watch your words. Don't get me wrong here - I am not angry or whatever. I just feel that she is going to keep losing friends if she doesn't stop. Ugh.

Some people. You just feel like putting them in a box. Let's make it a black box instead.

There's another funny one. This is from my other co-worker (who is also my good friend, hehe). I was not present during the conversation. The three of them were chatting in the computer lab. Okay let's put some labels here - Girl A and B are my good friends and Girl C is the annoying person.

Girl A was saying, "I woke up this morning, changed into my clothes, and realized that everything that I put on was from *AE."

Girl B just laugher along naturally.

Girl C asked, "Ohhh, what is AE?" (try to imagine a typical qwei lo accent, maybe a little bit of a bimbotic tone too)

Girl A replied, "Err, it's a clothing store at West Edmonton mall."

"Ohhhh yeahh... we have that too at Kingston. Oh, it must be so easy for you to find sizes there! I can't even fit into a size zero. It's too big for me!"

Huh. Size zero too big for her. Obviously, she hasn't been shopping much. A size zero is like an extra small. The only person I can see fittting into a size zero is Huey Teng. Girl C may be short and petite but she is nowhere near size zero. She is at least wearing a size 4-5.

That was like the biggest joke I have heard.
*AE is American Eagle Outfitters.

The other day, I was reading XiaXue's blog and I flipped. She asked herself, "Why do obscenely fat people want to go to Disneyland?"

Hah. She took a picture of the obscenely fat person as well. Obscenely fat people want to go to Disneyland because they want to observe obscenely bimbotic people like you and ask themselves, "Why do obscenely bimbotic girls want to go to Disneyland?" She should be really proud of her bimbotic sense of curiosity. Gosh. Some people.

Really.

Food Fiesta

2006-06-01T18:43:00.000-06:00

Actually, I had a pretty good time last weekend ...

I ate a lot. Lots of good food. The Japanese cuisine was free :)
Here are the pictures - don't get hungry.

On Saturday evening ... Yee Ying treated us to Japanese food at Mikado!

Rainbow Rolllllll ...

Dynamite Roll (yum yum)

Sushi Pizza!

This dish was called Dragon's Eye. It came with some "dragon sauce", haha!

On Sunday morning ... we treated Maggie to Dim Sum at Mirama Dining Lounge!

Phew. That was a lot of eating to do for the weekend. I have been feeling quite guilty for letting myself overeat. But then again, it was good food ........ hehe. That's why I went for a swim today. Burn away the calories!

The weather in Edmonton is getting really nice. Clear blue skies, cooling breeze in the morning and a warm breeze in the evening. Even if it rains, it still feels nice. It's the first time I am carrying an umbrella on campus. I feel so cute when walking under the umbrella. My umbrella is cute because it has a small piggy picture on it. Haha. Funny it is - I am relating my excitement to the rain and umbrella.

Shut up, sometimes.

2006-05-27T16:15:00.000-06:00

It's been a long time. Yes, I know. It is hard to juggle work and school together. Not to mention, the boyfriend factor as well. Anyway, work is not too bad after all. It is evident to me that I have some fierce competition - my co-worker is like the all-rounder girl. Smart, sociable, aggresive, hardworking, everything ... even her email address claims that she is a_girl_to_diefor. Hah. Sometimes she is nice. And she is the only other summer student working in this lab. So, for now, I'll just be patient with her company.

I try not to get too close. I feel that I should be a little careful. At times, I get this vibe that she is just pretending to be really nice and accommodating. I don't know. Either way, the best defense would be to maintain a safe distance.

And, as always, smart people like that are really cocky. I don't really care if she brags about her stuff too much. She does show that confidence, leadership and capability to everyone. And that will make her a very succesful person. Yep, totally can see that. She is an all-rounder. By the way, she is from Queen's University. So, not from around here.

The other day, we were having our lunch break together. I don't know how we got into the topic of religion but it really put me off. Yes, you're very outspoken. You utilize freedom of speech, confidently state your opinion. But you don't tell someone in the face, "Okay, now after you saying all that ... I am totally put off by your religion. Like, totally!!" (By the way, I was explaining to her about Taoism and Buddhism).

To me, you won't get much if you aren't generally humble and sensitive. Religion is one issue that is very edgy. You can listen to the other side, make some comparisons here and there...but never, never put down someone else's religion. She isn't very tact with her words. Yes, being outspoken is good. But when it comes to people personality, interpersonal relationships ... you have to consider your words when interacting with others. There are many smart ways to go around the topic without offending the other party. That is why socializing is a tricky business. That's the real world, buddy. I have to admit that my weakness is my shyness. But I am working on that - I'd rather be viewed as a little boring and shy then the loud and edgy girl. Words cut like a knife. We all should know that.

I think she's been in the lime light too much. After all, she is the brilliant one. That's why she gets so edgy with her words. And that's why I don't have lunch with her everyday lest we get into that whole weird converesation again.

Ugh. It's tiring trying to keep up with her.

Anyway, on a lighter note, I will be having free dinner today :)
Yee Ying will be treating us to Jap food (woo hoo!). Oh, and I have watched X-men III and The Da Vinci Code. From my point of view, X-men was a more interesting movie than the Da Vinci Code. Perhaps it is the way they shoot the movie. I wouldn't say it's a terrible movie. It's just that I could not feel the same suspense and excitement as when reading the book. I fell asleep a couple of times in the cinema :P but it could have been that I was really exhausted. Anyway, can't compare books to their movies.

Self-recovery

2006-05-17T11:01:00.000-06:00

I know I wrote something which wasn't worth having me eyes read it over and over again. That's why I deleted it. Heck.

Work has been pretty good so far. I have to admit it isn't very interesting. My co-worker, who is completing his PhD in this research, said that I should do something "fancy" if I intend to go into graduate studies. Fancy research, he means. Well, I don't know. There's still time to think about it. By the end of August, I should have a clear idea of what I want to pursue. It's either out there in the working world ... or facing the challenges in the academic field. Can I still be a teacher??

Tonight, who will win the hockey game? Go, Oilers ... Go!! Jackie is bringing me out to Whyte Ave to watch the game. It's going to be wild! It's been so boring every night after work. I come home, cook dinner, eat, watch some movies on my computer ... and maybe read a book. I end up snuggling in bed at about 9-10 p.m.. Yup, that's early. It's time for some partying! Happy hour after work ;) It feels different now that I no longer consider myself a student. Although I am still taking a math class for the spring term, I don't feel pressured to do well. As long as I don't fail it. If I pass, everything is good since the G.P.A won't be counted into my overall grade.

How long does it take for a sprained ankle to heal? Gosh, I need to excercise! I can't exercise with an injured foot. Ugh. I hate it when I sprain my ankle. I can't do anything.

Graduate Research Symposium

2006-05-04T22:35:00.000-06:00

I attended the second annual Graduate Research Symposium today. I must say, this is my first time listening to all these research presentations. There were twelve speakers for the event, two of which were keynote speakers. The rest were graduate students competing in this event (I didn't realize it was actually a competition until my professor said that he was one of the judges).

But the best speaker was the first keynote speaker, Dr. David Foot, who is a professor of economics at the University of Toronto, and the author of the best-selling book - "Boom, Bust and Echo". He was great. He had an absolutely good sense of humour. It was a well-delivered speech.

After that, I only managed to stay focused on two graduate research presentations. I don't know why. Perhaps, what some were talking about was too difficult to understand. They talked about fuel cells, roasting minerals, reaction mechanisms or those simulation models ... I was doo-deedly-dum after the 3rd or 4th presentation slide.

Then again, it was interesting ... something different. At least, I was not spending another day at the office pretending to do something. It's tough trying to find something to do. I'd rather have something challenging to do than sit around feeling lost. Today, I managed to chat with my professor. Met a few new people but I know I won't be seeing them again anytime soon. It was a good social event. Although I felt really small there. It felt like I wasn't knowledgable or experienced enough to be there. I wanted to ask questions about the students' research work, but somehow I find difficulty in trying to ask a good question. Maybe I bother too much about trying to ask a good question ... wanting to make an impression, you see. I shouldn't worry about it next time and just ask what I want to know. But it was difficult too because my colleague wasn't very interested in reading the posters. She was sort of just grading the posters, judging it by its looks and overall impression. I wanted to read those stuff. But oh well.

I have officially finished reading, "The Journal of Mortifying Moments". At first, I thought this book was just some silly chick story thing ... but I forced myself to read more of it (now that I have the time!). And it was actually pretty good. I got hooked onto it. I think my sister will like this book. If I am not mistaken, it's pretty similar to the Shopaholic series ... only this one has more of a Canadian touch to it. Most of the mortifying moments are pretty funny. I mean, imagine going out on a date with this really hot guy (it was him who asked her out too). I don't know how a girl friend can suggest such a stupid thing - use scotch-tape to reduce the appearance of wrinkles on your face ... And she ... absent-mindedly forgot to take it off. So imagine ... you're out on a date with a tape on your forehead. The guy was being really quiet and awkward the whole time, and she thought to herself, "What was wrong with this guy, he actually isn't that interesting at all!" But she went "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" when her friend told her that he was actually very confused about the tape. That is such a disaster.

It's a simple read. I hate books with too much wordy description. I mean an apple is red or the sky is blue and ... heck it's an apple. You don't have to describe it with five sentences. If I read a page, and I don't understand what it's trying to say then I will close the book. End of story. That's probably why I am so picky with books. Anyway, the university bookstore had some stock clearance and a lot of books were discounted 75%. I bought three books, "The Blood Girls" by Meira Cook, "The House Tibet" by Georgia Savage, and "Sleep Demons" by Bill Hayes. I actually do enjoy reading a good book. And I am beginning to dislike splurging money on books because in four or five months, they will be on the discount rack. Just like the Journal of Mortifying Moments. I bought it for $27, and six months later ... it's selling for $7!! ARGHH!! I feel so stupid. So now, I will only buy books which are cheap. Yes, that is what I will do starting tomorrow.

Bad Start

2006-05-01T14:56:00.000-06:00

I haven't had proper rest since the unfriendly exams ended. Had to help Yee Ying move to her new apartment in Vegreville. It was not an interesting experience. And I felt all of us were doing most of the work, including assembling all the furniture. Oh well.

While we were there, Jackie locked himself out of the car. That was another bloop to the whole mess. My mind was going, "Shit, I don't want to spend the night here. I want to go home!!!"

We tried calling the emergency line but it was ridiculously busy. How can an emergency line be busy?... sheesh. That really annoyed me. But fortunately, we got through to them after trying n-th times.

Now, I am back here ... still very much lacking of sleep. I bought a plant yesterday to cheer myself up.

And I am sitting in my so-called office right now ... reading research papers again (I thought I don't have to read these anymore after taking that Biomaterials course). It is so boring, but I guess they need to feed me with information first. Anyhow, my mood has been crushed by a really stupid incident an hour ago. I went to photocopy my student visa in my passport, and carelessly left my passport on the machine ...

It was traumatic. I only realized my passport was not in the bag when I reached the office. Ran back there with all my might. Horrible scenarios were running through my head ... I was so disoriented. Note to self: PHOTOCOPY VISAS WITH A FRIEND PRESENT. Perhaps then, the probability of me forgetting my passport is lower. BLuehhhh............

I am tired. I think I will get off work soon. The best thing about this job is that there is no fixed office hours. As long as the assigned work is completed at the end of the work term. Sweet. But I still have to read these papers ... ugh.

It's enough

2006-04-23T21:34:00.000-06:00

It's been a long week ... of exams. The worse of exams has been settled for. Now, I have two more left. Open book - Statistics. Non-cumulative - Mass Transfer.

I feel like I am being bogged down by life itself. Exams are just one tiny part of it. I have yet to conclude whether I am sensitive, over-thinking, or just plain childish. But when I actually think about everything that has happened, I start to feel upset.

Never mind about the impending future that I have to consider. I have to admit that there's a fear inside me which is accumulating each day. A fear of stepping into the real world. The actual place where dog eats dog. A world awaiting to gobble you up if you don't pay attention to it.

But what has been more troubling is the fact that friends aren't what they seem at all. People change. Everyone knows that. It is there in our minds but our hearts can't seem to accept it. I cannot comprehend what I am going through. Now, my happiness is like the weather. Unpredictable. It is not mine anymore. I don't know of it anymore; I don't even know if I am happy for real. But I know, I am disapointed for sure.

How can one describe a friendship which still exists but is terribly forgotten by one heart. How can one understand the meaning of this ungrateful loss? A scar burried so deep within, it tries to heal itself but each time, each day ... a cut slices through the wound again. Religion teaches us to forgive. But why is it so difficult for me to let it go? Or is this just another one of those extremely overwhelming female traits?

Never mind if I am actually female or not. I'm starting to digress. I feel like I am giving up in this current phase of life. I feel like forgetting everyone that I know and just start anew somewhere else. I think this would be healthier for me. Enough is enough. I may seem very negative here, but I think now I'm actually starting to think positive for once. Why should I care about how others feel when no one does for me? Why should I even continue caring? Perhaps, I may seem selfish as well to think of it this way. After all, true friends should give unconditionally and not ask for something in return. What is true anymore. If there is such true friendship, I wouldn't even start counting how many times the disappointment occured.

I should learn to not let little nice emotions get in the way anymore. I don't care if people are going to think I'm weird, or fierce, or unfriendly... it's high time I stop being used.

End of Third Academic Year

2006-04-14T23:04:00.000-06:00

It's the end of the term. Spring is here but exams are also here...

My dear friend, Aanchal was craving for dim sum. So we went to a dim sum restaurant in Chinatown last weekend to feast on the food. It was such a scrumptious meal! We couldn't stop ordering. For every cart that comes by, we took something. And we gobbled it down FAST. Usually, dim sum folks eat the food for about 5 minutes, chat for about 15 minutes, and then continue eating again ... but we ... tsk tsk tsk.

I am pretty sure we were the only group of young adults there. The restaurant was packed with either families or old people. But it was good that we went there early. Otherwise, we would have been waiting in line for an hour or so.

April 19th was the last day of classes. On that day, we went to chill out at a cool restaurant down at Whyte Ave. We also did some shopping. I bought myself a really cute top :) At Julio's Mexican restaurant, we had margaritas and a delicious combo platter.

And that night itself ... the small drinking party took place ...

I was showing an angry face at that shot of Vodka. We all had to do it, haha. My friend who saw this picture on MSN display, thought I was eating the hi sour sweet. Worse still, he said it seemed like I was having an orgasm ... -_-

But it was kinda fun although I was pretty exhausted from the day's shopping and walking. We always start off with a game of UNO whereby the losers will drink a shot. There was tequilla and vodka. And we played three rounds of UNO. It's funny when you can't differentiate the 6 and the 9 card. Also, we added that extra game feature known as "cutting" (basically if you have the same card as the one out there, you take your turn by putting it down ... FAST). It gets harder to concentrate on that when you're tipsy. After that, we played the number game. This was also pretty silly. Actually, I knew of this game because my parents played it with their friends. And they were really drunk from all that wine. Basically, the objective of the game is to NOT say the number 7, any number containing 7, or a number that is a multiple of 7. You clap instead of saying it out. So imagine, when you're drunk ... and when you're not 13 years old anymore ... you lose the game pretty fast. My friend said 14 and he had to drink. We didn't even get past 28, haha!

Well, that was one night of fun. Now, it's back again to reality. Exams and a research paper to complete. Yuck.

What hiatus?

2006-03-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

Haha. I am back. Just because I am feeling oh-so-overly bored. I can't go to sleep because I was drowned by a pill of Tylenol two hours ago. Getting sick is a pain. But I brought it upon myself, hehe.

It seems like it has been ages since I wrote my last proper entry. Oh well, this explains how ridiculously busy I am with school, no ... I should say ... university.

The end of the term is near. The last few weeks of school is always dreadful. Professors start to realize that they are running short of time thus they need to rush through the syllabus. Assignments start to pile up each week due to this rush. Majorly annoying. Do they think we're robots?

The drive to strive for excellence is diminishing with each term. It is unbelievable how three years have passed by so quickly. I still remember dreading my timetable in my first year at varsity. Having to compete with those nerdy engineers was a challenge. I felt that everyone just knew what they were doing. And I didn't. I was just struggling to survive as a student. I was trying to keep up. Everyday, it was just the same old routine. Even the lessons in class. Copy notes. Copy notes. Copy notes. Well, some professors are good at teaching, and so that is when we all listen with interest. Currently, four out of five of my classes are just for copying notes. At least, that is how I feel about it.

It is ironic how a higher level course has influenced my interest greatly. Perhaps the boring routined work of other courses has led me to this. I still remember the first day I stepped into this class, "CHE 582 - Introduction to Biomaterials". I felt scared. Only three out of 12 students were undergraduates. The rest were doing their masters in engineering, pharmacy, phD in chem. engineering and medical sciences ...

The first thought that came to my mind was, "Am I going to fail in this class?"

Somehow, I stayed on in the class. The only third-year student among the rest. It was intimidating. To think of how much they know and how little I knowledge I have in my head ...
Fortunately, the professor teaching this course is an excellent teacher. Approachable. Helpful. And friendly. Very often, most courses have a similar syllabus such as weekly assignments, one midterm (or two) and a final exam. But CHE 582 ... doesn't have a final exam, tee hee hee! However, it doesn't mean that it is going to be plain-sailing. I wrote a midterm for this course. But the professor felt that it is not worth it to have just exams for this course. So, he changed the syllabus. He scraped the final exam and introduced two assignments - research paper and presentation.

Now, I understood why he said it was not worth it to have exams for this course. Left alone to work, I didn't realize how beneficial this assignment was until I completed it. This assignment allowed me to stretch my mind to the limits. I don't know if I am better at writing research papers or writing exams. But after doing my presentation last week, I know I should start discovering my strong points in state-of-the-art research.

My professor spoke to me in person after my presentation. He said I was going to get the highest mark and that I don't realize how good my mind is. And for once, I felt proud and glad because a professor notices my capabilities. Lately, I have questioned myself countless times, "Am I really suited to be an engineer?" I have always had this impression that professors only remember those who ask intelligent questions. It is an observation that takes place daily for the past three years in varsity. And most of them keep commenting on how we as engineers should be able to do this and that ... I often feel that I am not able to meet those "requirements".

But now, a praise for me finally, which is enough to get me motivated to work harder. Also, he offered to take me in as a graduate student if I wanted. Or else, he could help me out if I really do have interest in bio research engineering.

The question is now ...

Do I want to do masters?
Or should I just try to get a job after I graduate?

I have to think carefully about what I want to do in the future. In a way, I am glad but I also feel confused. Then again, without this opportunity, I would never have the slightest hope that I am capable of doing better.

Busy, Moody, and Cranky

2006-03-17T14:19:00.000-07:00

I think I will go on a hiatus for a while.

There has been too much going on.

I find that I am having trouble recognizing who I really am. It is such a turbulent phase in life for me right now. Everything is mixed up - from friends and family to my principles in life.

So many responsibilities to take on. So much effort needed to keep up with school. After my finals in April, things will be less hectic. I will be working as a research assistant for one of the professors for 3 months before returning to KL. I feel excited. I want to experience working in a lab with graduate students. I can't wait to go home for a holiday. But also, I am looking forward to spend spring and summer here in Edmonton.

Take care people. I'll be back soon.

Reading week anybody?

2006-02-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

On one fine MSN chat, a friend asked me why I was online and not doing assignments instead. I told him that it was Reading Week. Obviously, he didn't know what it was. I don't know if students in UK do have Reading Week but anyway, he asked me what it was. I said it is a one-week holiday for university students. Then, he asked me if I had started studying. Of course, I replied with an affirmative "No." I was pretty confused because Reading Week isn't for studying. It is for de-stressing!

So, I asked him if he has the same holiday and he replied me, "If it is a holiday, we call it a holiday. We don't give it a name like Reading Week."

...

I couldn't tell if he was making a joke or trying to be sarcastic about it. Maybe he felt it was so lame to name a holiday like that. His first assumption was that it is a week to study since the name of the holiday has the word "reading" in it. It really isn't for "reading books." *LOL*

Reading Week is a significant holiday for students. In fact, it is a holiday that we especially look forward to during each academic year. Without this holiday, suicide rates go up. Through the years, they realize that amount of suicide cases increase during this time of the year. Hence, they officially give a holiday to students. I'd like to view it as the university's acknowledgement of our stressful schooling conditions.

I have been tagged with a "meme" by Maverick.

Haha. I didn't know what it was until I visited his site. Now I remember I have been tagged by Gareth sometime ago, and I forgot all about it until today. Sorry! I guess I was too preoccupied with school.

Since I have nothing impending to stress me out, I can spare a few minutes typing this "meme" out and tag some other people. I am just going to use Maverick's template and list my own. because I am so new to this "meme" thing :P

FIVE WEIRD HABITS ABOUT MYSELF

I talk to that soft toy on my bed. If I'm feeling sad, I'll ask it why are all these shit happening in my life. If I am feeling silly, I will just talk some crap with it. And if I am feeling frustrated, I'll keep squishing it's face and body and try to roll it up into a ball (yeah, I know I am brutal).
I like to wash my dishes. For some odd reason, I just like to clean things up when they are dirty. This applies best to dish-washing.
I pinch my pimples. Ouch and yuck. If I see a pimple that requires pinching (or a blackhead), my hands get itchy. It feels good.
When I wash my hands in a sink, I have to pour some water over the faucet a few times. Why? I think I feel that it is dirty.
Is day dreaming considered a weird habit?

FIVE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE THAT GIVE ME PLEASURE

The company of friends. It keeps my loneliness far away from me.
Music. It sings with my heart and dances at my ears.
Home. Whether I am here living by myself or back home with my family, home is the one place that I can seek comfort and privacy.
Love. Being loved and giving love complements my soul and existence.
Trees. I love plants. The world is such a beautiful place with mother nature's garden.

With this, I end here with a list of tags - Brenda, YunYun, AMS, Li Shun, and Gareth. Okay! ;)

Breakdown

2006-02-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how university life can influence you.

Last night, after a long day of undesirable events (or shall I say it's a build-up over the weeks), I came home, changed into my pajamas and plopped on the bed. I had some soothing music on. I wanted to relax my mind. I needed to get away from studying or anything school-related for at least an hour.

But what happened after a few minutes of staring at the ceiling ...

My eyes poured tears.

It gradually got so bad that I was sobbing to the top of my lungs.

And it was unusual that I could feel local numbness on my body. It started from the face, and it soon spread all the way to my arms and legs. That's when I got really scared. I was so weak I couldn't even move.

But I still couldn't stop crying. The whole time I was questioning everything so negatively. No positive feeling was present in my mind. This is the third time I have been on a nervous breakdown.

I called him. He was at the bus stop. I was glad he came because I would have just lay there until bedtime and would not have done any studying for my exam. He is my support for strength.

But this should not happen again. Why am I pushing myself so hard?

Keeping myself busy

2006-02-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

I am so busy this semester. Apart from school, I decided to commit myself to some volunteer work on campus. I think this will compensate my absolutely dead life for the past two years. I am starting to get more involved in university and I am liking it.

International Week kicked off on Monday, January 3. Perhaps I will post some pictures up later in the week. It depends on how many pictures I get to take. All in all, those crazy volunteer hours have earned me a free ticket to the closing ceremony's concert, which will take place this Friday, February 3. Speaking of February ... one month has already passed! Time flies so fast these days, especially when there's lots to do and lots to live up to!

Also, I am currently teaching English to children at SVCC. It's a volunteer job for 12 weeks, a commitment of 3 hours every Saturday. There are three young children in my class. The first lesson was a bad start. I had little time to prepare or expect the unexpected as I was the last interviewee before this session started. The kids were cute. But they are sneaky. And smart. And they speak good English. I was expecting children who don't speak English as their first language. Gosh, it was quite a shocking experience for me that day. Being all disappointed at myself for not doing a good job, I talked to my coordinator and told her that I am not suited for this teaching. Then, I talked to the VP and told her that I might work better with adults instead of children. I think I sounded like a spoiled rich kid who complains about everything. She told me that she cannot switch me to another class because they are short of volunteers now. Then, I requested for a partner because handling three young children (ages 3-5) all by myself is very challenging. She said she will help me to find one, or I can bring my own friend along. Unless there is a substitute, I will have to continue teaching this class for the next 10 weeks

However, after much contemplation over my shocking experience, I realized I was just unprepared. It was a rash emotional outburst. I was probably PMS-ing as well. Therefore, I pulled myself together to apologize to the VP and my coordinator about my behaviour. So right now, I am still teaching the kids. Still surviving. Although it is tiring, I must say that I like working with children. However, I am quite sure that there is a critical difference in asian kids and CBC (canadian-born-chinese) kids. I find that asian kids are much more obedient and quiet. Quiet in the sense that they don't ask you sneaky questions and tell you scandalous stuff.

This one girl, Amanda, who is five years old, came up to me and said

"I want to tell you something." (her hands were at her back and she was looking up to me like a cute puppy)

"My friend has a boyfriend. And his name is Simon." (and she looks at me with her big eyes)

I was like ... "Oh, okay...so ..."

"That's all I want to tell you."

Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.

I guess I have learned something out of this. I cannot be too soft with these kids. I have to let them feel that I am in charge here in this class, and there are certain things that you must listen to me. That's why I feel there's a big difference in asian and CBC kids. I taught music to young children before, and they were fine. I didn't feel any pressure to impress the kids. When I am teaching these three mischevious kids here, I feel like I have to impress them a lot to keep their attention span with me. They really do have short attention spans.

I want to stay on teaching for another 2 sessions. I can get a reference letter and it will look good on my resume. Hopefully, they are able to find a substitute teacher to teach the children's class next session. It will be less work and pressure to teach an adult class.

If any of you guys have creative ideas on activities and games for kids, please let me know! I do need some help on this. Right now, I am searching on Google for good and fun activities, but I feel like I am going to run dry on ideas soon.

Muahahaha. As a Chemical Engineering student, I have access to this computer lab on the fourth floor of the building. In this lab, I can print for freeeee! But I have to supply my own paper though. It's cool. I just printed my lecture notes which were about 74 pages in total, and a few other pages on piano music sheets. Muahahaha.

Okay, got to go get lunch. And Happy CNY to ya all, eh! ;)

Panorama

2006-01-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, I took an 8-hour bus ride to Panorama Ski Resort. Obviously, the bus ride was uncomfortable. Yes, the journey there and back was not the fun part of the trip. We arrived there at half past 10 at night. Three buses packed with U of A students were given rooms to stay in at Toby Creek Lodge. Our rooms were nice and comfortable. It had a kitchen which was more well-supplied than my home. After we settled down in the room, we cooked instant noodles to eat and then went straight to bed.

The next morning, I woke up to find myself very ill. It is a mortifying experience to fall sick during a holiday. Worse, it is like a punishment above all to fall sick on a mountain ski holiday. Not that I don't get to ski (I don't like the sport), but there is no hospital or clinic at the resort area.

I called the operator and she said the medical centers and pharmacies are located at the nearest town, Invermere. It is about a 20-30 minute drive there. Guess how much I have to spend on a taxi ride there...

...

$50!!!

Horrible...horrible...

But if I didn't get it treated soon, my condition would have been much worse. Anyway, we took the bloody cab ride there. Saw a doctor and got my medication. Fortunately, it was a nice, small town. We hanged around for a bit,and did some shopping for souveniers.

At Invermere

We arrived back at the resort just in time for dinner. Heli-place was the nearest restaurant to our lodge, and so we just headed there. The restaurant was located on a small hill. Therefore, we had to climb up the snowy slope. It was tiring climbing up, but it wasn't fun getting down the snowy slope. The chances of anyone PK-ing is super high.

This was my dinner - Seafood Capicionno

Maggie, Liana, me and Ling Li

After that fulfilling meal, we went to the General Store to rent a video - I, Robot. I was very, very tired but for some odd reason I managed to stay awake during the entire movie. Nothing much happened that night. We went to bed early as we had to wake up early the next morning for check-out.

In the morning, we walked around the ski resort, taking lots of pictures of the beautiful scenery. And we ate a lot too (because the restaurants have huge servings -_-)

And that was basically it. Truthfully, if I didn't fall sick, we wouldn't have gone to Invermere. That would simply mean we would be rotting at Panorama the whole time because it is actually a small resort and the main attraction was skiing.

Now, I am suffering a bad sore throat *cough cough* and it is back to reality again - time to dive into the books ...

Controlling the rage

2006-01-12T12:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it takes to be a good friend sometimes. As years pass by, the impression of friendship being merely a sincere feeling or a mutual way of life seemed to have showed its true colours.

What is it that lies beneath the surface of friendship?

We are only human, as many would quote from daily life. However, what brings this purpose to get to know someone as a friend? What defines a close friend?

I don't know if recent events have changed my point of view significantly. Or my priorities in any way. However, juggling with a love, a tedious academic schedule and own aspirations in life, I cannot pay all the attention to friends who say that I have become a "wet blanket." If the definition of good friends is yay-we-are-the-best-of-friends-because-we-are-both-the-same-type-of-person, I regret to say that this is not my idea of a friendship.

If not attending to your whim and fancies means I am a wet blanket,
If not agreeing to your decisions means I am a spoiler of plans,
If not compromising for your boredness by being a "play thing" to you means I am a cold-hearted, un-happening friend ...

Then by all means, let it be. Now, if not being able to understand your friend's true personality is a factor in this issue ...

I would say that a friend who can do so is the perfect friend in the world.

But nothing is perfect, isn't it?

Goodbye 2005, Hello 2006!

2006-01-06T11:50:00.000-07:00

It's a new year. New resolutions. New ambitions.

We just headed downtown to City Hall for the fireworks display during New Year's eve. However, it was not as fantastic as last year's celebration where we celebrated Alberta's 100th year Aniversary. Odd enough, there wasn't a countdown that night. The fireworks just started off by itself when the clock struck twelve. So un-happening, haha ...

Last year, it was overly crowded because the crowd was concentrated at City Hall only. Now with the newly opened City Square, which is directly opposite the road from City Hall, everyone could move around easily. And so, there was less frustration. There was a live band playing music and people were dancing on the square. Here's a picture of City Hall before the fireworks display...

On January 3, we took a 4-hour bus ride down south to Calgary. There, we met up with friends from U of A, and also old friends from CIC who are currently studying at the Univerisity of Calgary. It was great fun! Not to mention, we had stayed at a comfortable hotel. I love the food at Calgary. Why? They have so many Chinese and Japanese restaurants!! When walking on the streets, I felt like I was actually in a city. It does feel like Melbourne city in some ways. Unlike Edmonton ...

Then we visited University of Calgary. It is a beautiful university. Most of their buildings are very new with a touch of modern design to it. However, my friends said that the U of C does not have enough classrooms to accomodate every student. Once, his classroom was located in a trailer van because of this! How terrible!

In front of the Education Building

In the business building. They actually have a stock market exchange board!

At the center of the university

The Olympic Oval - the 1988 Winter Olympics was held in Calgary where the speed skating events were held here

At Chin Sian's residence

And the karaoke place that we went too is so much better than the ones in Edmonton. They had a better selection of both chinese and english songs.

At a chinese restaurant

Superstar Karaoke

On the last day of our trip, we walked around the city for a bit. Friends brought us to 17th Avenue (Red Mount). This whole street is like an uptown area with lounges, bars, cool shops, restaurants and cafes.

And that was the whole trip to Calgary! I hope to go back there again sometime soon. And it was definitely great to meet up with old friends again :)

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2005-12-29T11:53:00.000-07:00

This year's christmas celebration was fun. We actually took some $$$ out to buy a christmas tree and presents for our dearest friends. Also, YY and I spent four hours planning two games to play on Christmas eve night. No alcohol involved. Just casual fun, and not to mention the oh-so-delicious food on the table.

There were 11 of us. A big crowd in a relatively small apartment. Nevertheless, we managed to shift the dining table around so that all of us can sit comfortably around the food. We had hotpot for dinner. I ate so much that night. I drank too much of the tom yam soup I think, haha!

After dinner, we sat around the christmas tree where all the beautifully-wrapped presents were. We girls (the six of us) played Secret Santa among ourselves. We set the budget for the presents to be no more than $15. It was really exciting. Seeing the happy look on my friends' faces after receiving their surprise is a feeling of joy. It is also great to receive more than one present! Haha ... not only did I get a gift from my Secret Santa but also a gift from my date! ^^

Just before eating ...

During the scrumptious meal ...

Before the gift-exchange.

I received three items from my Secret Santa - a cell phone charm, a note stand, and a keychain. Very, very pretty! And the best part was ... I received an iDog from my date! He knew I liked it from the very start and he bought it for me :)

Cute or not, cute or not! ^^

This iDog is so cool. It dances to music. Basically, you have to "feed" it music. If you feed it enough music, it will be happy! And it can develop a personality based on the kind of music you feed it. This personality of the iDog can be shown through it's twelve LED lights on it's face. If you press it's nose button, it will acknowledge you with a cute bark! But if you touch it's tail, it will get angry and growl at you, hehe!

After that, we proceeded to our first game of the night. It's called "Wacko" but better known as Public Caning to some people. And the cool part was we played it with not our own names, but character names from Harry Potter. So you can imagine everyone repeating the easiest name, "Voldemort" when in danger. The hardest names to call out were "Hermione Granger" and "Neville Longbottom". It was fun although we played it for only 20 minutes. Next, we played "Poisonous Present." This game is very similar to that one game we used to play when we were kids - "Pass the Parcel." However, the forefeits are more creative. Nothing scandalous or hard to do. It starts off with simple dares like "Ballroom dance with yourself" or "Pose like a murderer with a knife from the kitchen and take 5 pictures" ... However, as the game goes on, the tasks are more difficult ... I would say more challenging and *ahem* embarassing ... A few interesting ones were:-

- Blindfolded; sit on the chair; put your feet and feel this "thing" (it was a mix of flour, water, tapioca starch) and guess what it was. Eeeew... it was goo-ey!

- Get the opposite neighbours attention and shout to them "Hello! I am your neighbour! Merry Christmas!!!!"

- 5 girly hair clips, 5 girly hair bands; a new hairdo for you, boy! This was funny!

The finale was ... not that horrible ... but I felt that it was a pretty good one because it was unexpected. Since YY and I made this game up, we thought it was fair to include two Deejay switches along the game, and two free passes as well. But I tell you ... it was retribution - I ended up having to enjoy the finale >_<

And what was it ...

...

I had to suck on a pacifier!!!!! >_<

Those flower stickers on our heads - "Stick this post-it on your head throughout the game. You can pick other two friends to join you!"

It was a simple game. Nothing to devastating and it was fun. At least, everyone had fun. It was a great christmas celebration, especially when we are far away from home and all we have is each other. Great company, great friends!

Well, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!

Fun with art

2005-12-23T03:09:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, I volunteered to help out with the banner paintings for International Week 2006. It was lots of fun! I have not done art for such a long time. I remember back in high school, I anticipated art projects every time. Well, I do have an affinity for art even though I am an engineer :P However, I am more keen on handicraft work instead of drawing or sketching. Painting is fun because you get to play with colours :)

It was awesome. I can't wait to volunteer for the upcoming events in preparation for International Week 2006. Here are some pictures to share!

Jackie working hard on the table skirt!

Another table skirt. See these small clothes? They were cut out from old clothes!

A perfect finish. The one on the right is the banner. Very cool.

The bulk of what the three of us did!

And ... the crew! Well, most of them left early :P It was only us who stayed to finish it and clean up the mess.

It has been a rough week

2005-12-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

The title says it all.

Examinations were never fun.

Especially the one I sat for today. I concluded that my life revolves around equations.

Math Equations.
Differential Equations.
Finite Differences Equations.
Equations of State.
And those equations that are named after those people who derived them...

It was a long exam. And because most of us forgot the derivative of the product rule (something we have learnt since Form 4), the professor decided to give us an extra 15 minutes to make that correction.

Such a shame. Forgetting such a simple, basic derivative rule. That explains the complicated life of an engineer. Ugh...horrible.

One more to go. One more ... I've already lost the mood to study. Can't wait for the holidays!!! *screams out in frustration*

Crammage

2005-12-14T22:56:00.000-07:00

Problem has not been resolved. Then again, Buddhism teaches us to forgive. I shall not keep it at heart for long as I am on the losing end.

I have always been on the losing end.

Nevertheless, I had to be angry. If not, I would be giving in too much. And this whole "unresolved" issue won't affect me either way. It is likely that she will never learn from it if she continues not to confront it or face her mistakes. Not beneficial to her own self of course. So, heck lah! Life goes on...

Went to Tim Hortons today to study. Lots of cramming to do for Biology. So much information...so little time...

Here's Aanchal without a head :P

A cup of hot mocha! Mmm...

Ling Li and I :)

Excuse me?

2005-12-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

What now.

Another temper on the rage.

Just because I said, "Sorry I am rushing."

And I am sorry I did not accept your invitation to view something in the room. My bad?

Yes, I admit. I am stressed-out. I am a workaholic. Even when I am cooking lunch I am worrying about my exam. I am not like you, okay. You show stress in a different way. I show it in a different way. Don't change the way I am to suit your likings. It doesn't mean that everyone can tolerate your whims and fancies all the time.

I just said, "Sorry I am rushing."

And you got upset because of that, and threw a temper, shut the door in my face.

I have to be angry at this. I want to be angry at this.

You know, I didn't shout at you and say "SORRY LA....I AM RUSHING!!!!"

What the hell is your problem, girl.

I am sorry. I don't feel like talking to you for the day. I need to go study Biology anyway. I am not apologizing because it is not my fault.

You were sensitive. Go sort that out.

How was the exam?

2005-12-13T10:40:00.000-07:00

Or rather, "What answer did you get?"

Three years of varsity life has kindly revealed to me the hidden kiasu-ism in every student (yes, including the Caucasians). I want to think of it as a casual habit. Something that you just blurt out unintentionally at the spur of the moment due to unexplained excitement. However, observation of the conversations that take place outside the exam room tells me otherwise.

A courtesy to ask how the exam went is fine. But a few courteous remarks often sends an impression that someone is trying to fish an answer out of you.

It could be that he/she wants to compare an answer.
It could be that he/she wants to boast about her answer.
It could be that he/she felt that it was a horrible paper and just wanted to reconfirm the fact that his/her answer was absolutely wrong.

Yesterday, after the exam, I was hoping for none of these questions at my ears. I just asked a friend, "How was it?" She said, "It was okay."

And that was it. I told her that I felt it was a fair exam.

But no, I was wrong.

My other friend came out of the room, asked me how did it go and continued on subtly only to talk me into discussing about the solutions to the exam questions. The exam was okay, but if I felt that it was horrible, I would have gone home right away. I wouldn't want to talk about it at all.

I just feel that there is no point in discussing whether what you wrote was right or wrong. The paper has been handed in. You can't make anymore corrections. There's nothing else you can do about it. So forget it and concentrate on the next few exams. I rather live knowing the possibility that there will be some marks here and there than to know the answer was absolutely wrong, especially when a classmate tells you so (for some odd reason, it makes you hate the person even more...at that point of time). Seriously, it can affect you. Your mood. Your confidence. And it affects you badly when you have other exams to study for.

Then again, it could be a motivation for some people to work harder on the next exams after knowing how bad the previous one was.

I'd like to recall how it was back in high school in Malaysia. But I can't seem to remember. It was a little different then. We were young. The education system is geared towards achievement of excellent grades rather than achievement in gaining knowledge. And parents were...phew... they expect so much out of you. Obviously, their friends' children are competing with their own child. It is inevitable that they want all the A's from you flashing at the doorstep whenever a visitor comes to the house.

I did not expect university to be like this. The slight difference is that the students who score high GPAs are really that smart. Not only academically, but they are able to prove themselves right in real-life engineering problems. Those I envy. And respect. But those who just aren't that good and boast about trying to get that GPA (or having close to that GPA), and basically trying to act all smart ... they should just shut up and look around again.

Okay, I am wasting time again. Back to studying. I have an exam at 2pm.

Infinite worries

2005-12-12T11:53:00.000-07:00

Trying to get a good night's sleep is a difficult task for me. It is not insomnia. It is just the amount of thoughts that run through my head. Mum says it is a sickness. I think stress comes to easy for me until it messes up my biological system.

I thought of so many things, but I managed to shove it all aside by chanting part of the heart sutra. After 40 minutes of trying, I finally went to bed.

I thought of my studies. My first exam today. If I have studied enough or not. I thought of the kind of questions that would be asked.

I thought of my long delayed period. I thought of what the doctor said about it. Will it eventually lead to cancer? I have a mild syndromme. What the hell is wrong with me.

I thought of motherhood for me. Maybe I won't even achieve that. Perhaps I won't be able to conceive in the future.

I thought of my parents. I miss Mum and Dad in many ways. The grown-up side of me has finally shown, and I wonder how things will be now with my parents. Acceptance. Freedom. Responsibility. Respect. Superstitions. Religion. I have been away from home for so long, sometimes I am afraid that my own judgements will hurt my parents. I love them so much, yet I love myself too.

I thought of my bratty sister. I miss her though. I thought of how I cried when I watched the home videos that Dad took last Chinese New Year. I don't know why I cried. And my tears stained my class notes.

I thought of my love life. It has been up and down for me these past few years. Somehow I managed to stand up and smile again after each failure. Then again, it never seems to end for me. I fall back into it over and over again. It is like a curse for me. Friends complain that I have too many opportunities with guys. Sometimes I feel like I rather have a few because too much of it confuses my life. I was never sad with the guys I dated. In different ways, they treated me well. It had to end like that because of our own expectations in life.

I thought of friends. Those who are around me. My coursemates. My housemates. So many good times and many more to come. We get annoyed at each other some times as everyone has their own faults. It is human nature. I have been annoyed with them many times now. I thought of those, and reflected upon them for a while.

I thought of money. I spent alot this month. I should value it more. And try not to buy unnecessary items.

I thought of recent events. Stuff that I did. Was it bad? Was it against my will? Was it sinful?

You see, these are the main thoughts that run through my head all the time (even when I am trying to sleep). And this doesn't include the tiny tiny details!

I am pretty sure it is somewhat an illness. Inherited it from my Dad.

Sigh. Stress. Speaking of that, why am I wasting time typing all this when I have an exam to write soon?

Quite silly indeed

2005-12-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

I was happily studying Biology last night in my room when I realized I was missing a few pages of notes. I did not panic instantly. I searched through the other file which I used to carry some of the notes to lectures. I searched it twice. Flipped through every single page. Couldn't find it.

Then, the panic started to build up. In five minutes, I was frantically searching through my other files. Even though I knew it couldn't possibly be there, I kept flipping through all of them. My housemates were not home at that time. I needed to tell someone about it because I was so upset and frustrated. The line, "Where could it possibly be?" kept running through my head over and over again. I felt hopeless. I sat down on the chair, and looked at the missing part of the file again. Then I thought maybe I misplaced it somewhere in that same file. I flipped through all my Biology notes but in vain.

As soon as I heard my housemates downstairs, I came out of the room and told them about my predicament. Then, both of them helped me search through everything again. I made a phone call to a friend to ask her to check her files too as she was at my house a few days ago doing assignments. After ending the phone call, my housemate who was checking my Biology notes asked me, "Is this the one?"

You know, I felt like melting at that spot when I saw what she was holding.

And where was it all this while?

It was right before me ... in that same file of Biology notes ...

Somehow, I missed it when I was checking through it.

Phew. If I actually lost that whole chunk of notes, I would be so upset that I won't have the heart to continue studying it. There is so much information on there. Although it is just printouts of power point slides, I copy notes on those during lectures. It was quite silly indeed. And my housemates found me hillarious.

Finally Finals

2005-12-09T16:26:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for finals to be over. I can't wait for Christmas to come. Obviously, we all need a serious break from studying.

I spent about 2 hours studying Cell Biology, an elective course of mine. Now I am at the comptuer lab taking a short break. It isn't that bad after all. Personally, I enjoyed the labs far better than the lectures. The only annoying thing is having a housemate who boasts about biology being far better than physics or math. I, on the other hand, keep my pride as an engineer to myself. Engineering is such a diverse subject. I hate these stereotypical views about fields of study. We all depend on each other. Without business or economics, the science world will not grow. Without the arts, we will have no entertainment. Agriculture and forestry work hand in hand to preserve nature, to learn more about nature. We are all connected. What is there to boast about?

Is this skin too orange for the eyes? I like it though. Something spicy and bright for once. Okay, I better head back to my studying.

A new beginning

2005-12-05T21:50:00.000-07:00

Let's call this the second phase. My sister complains that my old blog is too difficult to navigate. In other words, she says it has too much junk.