Thursday, February 09, 2006
Breakdown
It's amazing how university life can influence you.Last night, after a long day of undesirable events (or shall I say it's a build-up over the weeks), I came home, changed into my pajamas and plopped on the bed. I had some soothing music on. I wanted to relax my mind. I needed to get away from studying or anything school-related for at least an hour.
But what happened after a few minutes of staring at the ceiling ...
My eyes poured tears.
It gradually got so bad that I was sobbing to the top of my lungs.
And it was unusual that I could feel local numbness on my body. It started from the face, and it soon spread all the way to my arms and legs. That's when I got really scared. I was so weak I couldn't even move.
But I still couldn't stop crying. The whole time I was questioning everything so negatively. No positive feeling was present in my mind. This is the third time I have been on a nervous breakdown.
I called him. He was at the bus stop. I was glad he came because I would have just lay there until bedtime and would not have done any studying for my exam. He is my support for strength.
But this should not happen again. Why am I pushing myself so hard?
