Sunday, April 23, 2006
It's enough
It's been a long week ... of exams. The worse of exams has been settled for. Now, I have two more left. Open book - Statistics. Non-cumulative - Mass Transfer.I feel like I am being bogged down by life itself. Exams are just one tiny part of it. I have yet to conclude whether I am sensitive, over-thinking, or just plain childish. But when I actually think about everything that has happened, I start to feel upset.
Never mind about the impending future that I have to consider. I have to admit that there's a fear inside me which is accumulating each day. A fear of stepping into the real world. The actual place where dog eats dog. A world awaiting to gobble you up if you don't pay attention to it.
But what has been more troubling is the fact that friends aren't what they seem at all. People change. Everyone knows that. It is there in our minds but our hearts can't seem to accept it. I cannot comprehend what I am going through. Now, my happiness is like the weather. Unpredictable. It is not mine anymore. I don't know of it anymore; I don't even know if I am happy for real. But I know, I am disapointed for sure.
How can one describe a friendship which still exists but is terribly forgotten by one heart. How can one understand the meaning of this ungrateful loss? A scar burried so deep within, it tries to heal itself but each time, each day ... a cut slices through the wound again. Religion teaches us to forgive. But why is it so difficult for me to let it go? Or is this just another one of those extremely overwhelming female traits?
Never mind if I am actually female or not. I'm starting to digress. I feel like I am giving up in this current phase of life. I feel like forgetting everyone that I know and just start anew somewhere else. I think this would be healthier for me. Enough is enough. I may seem very negative here, but I think now I'm actually starting to think positive for once. Why should I care about how others feel when no one does for me? Why should I even continue caring? Perhaps, I may seem selfish as well to think of it this way. After all, true friends should give unconditionally and not ask for something in return. What is true anymore. If there is such true friendship, I wouldn't even start counting how many times the disappointment occured.
I should learn to not let little nice emotions get in the way anymore. I don't care if people are going to think I'm weird, or fierce, or unfriendly... it's high time I stop being used.
9:34 PM | |
Friday, April 14, 2006
End of Third Academic Year
It's the end of the term. Spring is here but exams are also here...My dear friend, Aanchal was craving for dim sum. So we went to a dim sum restaurant in Chinatown last weekend to feast on the food. It was such a scrumptious meal! We couldn't stop ordering. For every cart that comes by, we took something. And we gobbled it down FAST. Usually, dim sum folks eat the food for about 5 minutes, chat for about 15 minutes, and then continue eating again ... but we ... tsk tsk tsk.
I am pretty sure we were the only group of young adults there. The restaurant was packed with either families or old people. But it was good that we went there early. Otherwise, we would have been waiting in line for an hour or so.
April 19th was the last day of classes. On that day, we went to chill out at a cool restaurant down at Whyte Ave. We also did some shopping. I bought myself a really cute top :) At Julio's Mexican restaurant, we had margaritas and a delicious combo platter.
And that night itself ... the small drinking party took place ...
I was showing an angry face at that shot of Vodka. We all had to do it, haha. My friend who saw this picture on MSN display, thought I was eating the hi sour sweet. Worse still, he said it seemed like I was having an orgasm ... -_-
But it was kinda fun although I was pretty exhausted from the day's shopping and walking. We always start off with a game of UNO whereby the losers will drink a shot. There was tequilla and vodka. And we played three rounds of UNO. It's funny when you can't differentiate the 6 and the 9 card. Also, we added that extra game feature known as "cutting" (basically if you have the same card as the one out there, you take your turn by putting it down ... FAST). It gets harder to concentrate on that when you're tipsy. After that, we played the number game. This was also pretty silly. Actually, I knew of this game because my parents played it with their friends. And they were really drunk from all that wine. Basically, the objective of the game is to NOT say the number 7, any number containing 7, or a number that is a multiple of 7. You clap instead of saying it out. So imagine, when you're drunk ... and when you're not 13 years old anymore ... you lose the game pretty fast. My friend said 14 and he had to drink. We didn't even get past 28, haha!
Well, that was one night of fun. Now, it's back again to reality. Exams and a research paper to complete. Yuck.